The dos and don’ts of hosting friends

According to the Yale sociologist, Professor Nicholas Christakis, we are on the verge of a second Roaring Twenties. Just as the 1918 flu pandemic ushered in an era of excess, so too will Covid, as people 'relentlessly seek out social interactions'. This could take the form, he believes, of lavish spending and 'sexual licentiousness'. Or at the very least, changing out of the bottom half of our pyjamas. 

Under the next relaxation of lockdown restrictions on 16 May, groups of six will be able to meet indoors — prompting many a wag to tweet that they’ll need to start finding excuses to stay in again. After more than a year without normal social interaction, in which so much has changed, having friends over is fraught with difficulties. What have we got to talk about, other than box sets and weight gain? How much physical contact is acceptable? Will a peck on the cheek be greeted with screams? We could do with a reminder of even the most basic social niceties (one friend who’s just held a dinner party in her garden texts to say that she had to stop and think hard about how to lay a table). So here’s how we ease ourselves back in… 

Don’t overdo it 

Plenty of people have spent lockdown dreaming of decadent, Jay Gatsby-style parties, which require several servants 'to toil all day with mops and scrubbing brushes and hammers and garden shears, repairing the ravages of the night before'. But dive in with the alacrity of Oliver Reed at a free bar and you risk going big — and going home. Post-lockdown, our internal wine sponges may not be as good as they were pre-isolation. The same goes if you’re the host. Over-excitement combined with the desire to have a memorable evening risk creating Beverly from Abigail’s Party — aggressively foisting Demis Roussos and cheesy-pineapple on your hapless guests. Keep it relaxed and low-key. 

Make some effort

 It’s got to be worth going out for. Conversely, you don’t want to leave your friends short-changed. You don’t need to throw the equivalent of Truman Capote’s Black and White Ball, but when they can stay in on Saturday night with a delivery box from the River Café and Promising Young Woman on Amazon Prime, you do need to offer a decent dinner — else they’ll resent paying the babysitter. Creating a WhatsApp group, then mentioning that you’re having beef should avoid any last-minute cancellers.

Drinks are your friend

Opening your front door with a cheery 'Hello!', holding a tray of brimming champagne glasses with both hands avoids the tricky question of whether to shake hands/ hug/ elbow-bump whilst also ticking the effort box. 

Rediscover your wardrobe

 Leave leisurewear and slippers at home. Flat shoes and elasticated waistbands are fine (indeed, the latter may be unavoidable, post-lockdown), but do wash your hair and put on make-up. And remember that, unlike Zoom, all of you will be on view.

Curate your guest list carefully 

Lockdown, like Brexit before it, has been a great divider. Don’t invite sceptics and those who are still being 'cautious' on the same evening, else your fun evening could quickly degenerate into the Christmas Day episode of Eastenders during the Mitchell brothers era. It may be best to put those friends in the 'still cautious' camp on furlough for a while. During the brief hiatus between lockdowns last year, one friend who held a drinks party reported neighbours turning up in double masks — rendering conversation impossible. Unless you want to make it fancy dress and urge everyone to come in hazmat suits, such people are best excluded, for the time being.

No one likes a bragger

Being confined to barracks for so long means that topics of conversation are going to be limited. That’s only natural. The aforementioned box sets and weight gain are perfectly acceptable areas for dinner party discussion and could lead to some interesting tangents. Few subjects are as boring as how boring you found lockdown. But some discussion is inevitable. However, absolutely no-one wants to hear the following: That you’ve finished your novel. That you’ve given up alcohol. And, worst of all, that lockdown was such a positive experience for your family, that you seriously considered home-schooling your children permanently. If you’ve had a good lockdown, then for goodness sake, be aware that for most people, it’s been bloody miserable — and have the grace to keep quiet. 

The awkward pause

Be sensitive and accept that some social anxiety/awkwardness is only to be expected. It should dissipate after a couple of drinks, though these might also elicit a few tears. This is also fine and proffering a hug here is probably okay. 

Buffet ban 

Sharing plates are out — hopefully forever 

About time

This past year has done funny things to our concept of time, but try to remember that smoking inside has been illegal for quite a while now. Likewise, know when it's time to draw the evening to a close - as socially parched as we may be, we're also all a little out of practice. Don't outstay your welcome and, if you're the host, remember to pause for breath and give your guests a chance to leave.