Dear Mary: How can I find out whether old friends fancy each other?

Q. How can I find out, without making things awkward, whether one of my close male friends fancies one of my close female friends? They have known each other for years but until recently were both in long-term relationships. Now she has developed a major crush on him. Is there a way I could help to move things forward? It is too risky to tell him directly, because if he’s not interested, it could spoil the whole dynamic of our group.

– Name and address withheld

A. Wait till you are alone with the male friend and scrolling on your phones. Randomly mention the female’s name, e.g: ‘Oh wow, X is running in a marathon today!’ Then, in an absent-minded manner: ‘Hey – weren’t you guys an item back in the day?’ He will either reply with words to the effect of ‘No way. Not my type’ or ‘I wish’. The reaction, if positive, would prompt you to pass on complimentary remarks you ‘suddenly’ remember she made about him – which, if he is so inclined, could give him the confidence to lunge.

Q. My son’s partner gave me an expensive scented candle for Christmas. I actually loathe all scented candles, and discreetly ‘gift on’, yet I have learned from my daughter that, due to my polite enthusiasm, he is planning to spend £60 on another one for my birthday. I don’t want to tip off my son, as he will be tactless and cause friction, so how can I prevent the partner from wasting his hard-earned cash on a present I would dislike?

– P.W., Bath

A: Tell your son that you have been suffering from a late onset allergy characterised by sneezing fits which inexplicably seem to be triggered by strong perfumes and scented candles. ‘Such a shame,’ you can tell your son. ‘Scented candles means so much to me. But I can never light one again.’

Q. I rent out a field and stables on our land to various people, who were shown the path to use for access to said facilities to tend to their horses. I access the stables using a different path directly in front of the house. For the past few months, the renters have started to use the path in front of the house. Now figures suddenly appear in front of the window. This sets the dogs barking and inflames my husband, who becomes angry at the intrusion and commotion. Mary, how can I politely ask these lovely but thoughtless people to use the proper path?

– S.F., Hampshire

A. It is very obvious that you just need to ask them not to use the bark-triggering path. The only reason you haven’t done this can be that you fear the tremor in your voice would reveal the extent of the territorial resentment which has built up in you. The answer, then: send a short and friendly email.