Wilbur | The Spectator columnists & writers

‘The cat’s dragged in an injured bird.’

The cat’s dragged in an injured bird

‘The cat’s dragged in an injured bird.’

The cat’s dragged in an injured bird

‘Since I stung Matt Hancock the phone has not stopped ringing.’

Since I stung Matt Hancock

‘Since I stung Matt Hancock the phone has not stopped ringing.’

Since I stung Matt Hancock

All the gay footballers should boycott the World Cup!

‘All the gay footballers should boycott the World Cup!’

All the gay footballers should boycott the World Cup!

‘All the gay footballers should boycott the World Cup!’

‘You’re seriously suggesting a walk in the park for our first date?’

Our first date

‘You’re seriously suggesting a walk in the park for our first date?’

Our first date

‘Well, the lunatics are running it.’

Our asylum system is broken

‘Well, the lunatics are running it.’

Our asylum system is broken

‘I fear the post-match interviews may lack their usual psychological depth.’

Post-match interviews

Post-match interviews

‘I fear the post-match interviews may lack their usual psychological depth.’

Qatar will need 10,000 litres of water

Qatar will need 10,000 litres of water

Latest Tory leadership election

Latest Tory leadership election

Rowing-back machine

Rowing-back machine

‘That’s one area they could make some efficiency savings…’

Efficiency savings

Efficiency savings

‘That’s one area they could make some efficiency savings…’

‘All we have to do is reverse everything.’

All we have to do is reverse everything

‘All we have to do is reverse everything.’

All we have to do is reverse everything

‘Your insulation is excellent. Now I’ll have a look at your home…’

Now I’ll have a look at your home…

‘Your insulation is excellent. Now I’ll have a look at your home…’

Now I’ll have a look at your home…

‘You might be better waiting for the next one.’

You might be better waiting for the next one

‘You might be better waiting for the next one.’

You might be better waiting for the next one

‘I think I’ve found the pound.’

I think I’ve found the pound

‘I think I’ve found the pound.’

I think I’ve found the pound

‘Don’t tell me I now have to queue for the bathroom!’

Queue for the bathroom

‘Don’t tell me I now have to queue for the bathroom!’

Queue for the bathroom

‘I ventured to suggest that there was something a little bit archaic about the whole institution.’

There was something a little bit archaic about the whole institution

There was something a little bit archaic about the whole institution

‘I ventured to suggest that there was something a little bit archaic about the whole institution.’

‘Are the royal pen-makers first for the chop, perchance?'

First for the chop

First for the chop

‘Are the royal pen-makers first for the chop, perchance?'

‘The Prime Minister and the Queen have swapped genders!’

Swapped genders

‘The Prime Minister and the Queen have swapped genders!’

Swapped genders

‘Surely there’s a better word!’

Energy bill crisis

‘Surely there’s a better word!’

Energy bill crisis

‘Hello, you’re through to NHS 111...’

You’re through to NHS 111

‘Hello, you’re through to NHS 111...’

You’re through to NHS 111

He’s standing on my foot

‘He’s standing on my foot.’

He’s standing on my foot

‘He’s standing on my foot.’

‘Meteorological, political, military or financial?’

Storm warning

‘Meteorological, political, military or financial?’

Storm warning

Holiday lets

Holiday lets

We heard there’s a dentist in the area

‘We heard there’s a dentist in the area taking new patients.’

We heard there’s a dentist in the area

‘We heard there’s a dentist in the area taking new patients.’

‘I’m worried about Beth. She doesn’t seem to like football like other girls.’

I’m worried about Beth

‘I’m worried about Beth. She doesn’t seem to like football like other girls.’

I’m worried about Beth

Planet Liz

Planet Liz

... which both need operations

NHS on its knees

... which both need operations

NHS on its knees

‘Just think, if our flight hadn’t been cancelled we’d be in the sun right now.’

If our flight hadn’t been cancelled...

‘Just think, if our flight hadn’t been cancelled we’d be in the sun right now.’

If our flight hadn’t been cancelled...

‘One day, son, all this will be yours.’

One day, son

‘One day, son, all this will be yours.’

One day, son