Nick Newman | The Spectator columnists & writers

‘Oh no! It’s a love rat!’

Matt Hancock in the jungle

‘Oh no! It’s a love rat!’

Matt Hancock in the jungle

‘…for services to Trussonomics…’

Services to Trussonomics

‘…for services to Trussonomics…’

Services to Trussonomics

You have seven seconds on the Liz Truss premiership

‘You have seven seconds on the Liz Truss premiership, starting now…’

You have seven seconds on the Liz Truss premiership

‘You have seven seconds on the Liz Truss premiership, starting now…’

‘We’re off to Italy for a spot of political stability.’

Political stability

‘We’re off to Italy for a spot of political stability.’

Political stability

This is a stick-up

‘This is a stick-up.’

This is a stick-up

‘This is a stick-up.’

‘It’s to scare off the migrants.’

Scare off the migrants

‘It’s to scare off the migrants.’

Scare off the migrants

‘If the magic money tree doesn’t make a dash for growth, we’ve had it.’

The magic money tree

‘If the magic money tree doesn’t make a dash for growth, we’ve had it.’

The magic money tree

Getting Britain moving

‘The Tories have certainly done their bit in getting Britain moving.’

Getting Britain moving

‘The Tories have certainly done their bit in getting Britain moving.’

Russian weapon shortage

Russian weapon shortage

‘Are you trembling with rage or has fracking started?’

Has fracking started?

‘Are you trembling with rage or has fracking started?’

Has fracking started?

Monarch of the Glen

Monarch of the Glen

‘Oh no! We’re in the school catchment area.’

We’re in the school catchment area

‘Oh no! We’re in the school catchment area.’

We’re in the school catchment area

‘Your parents don’t think you’re being stretched enough.’

Parents don’t think you’re being stretched enough

Parents don’t think you’re being stretched enough

‘Your parents don’t think you’re being stretched enough.’

‘We’re almost at the land of our dreams – I can smell the raw sewage.’

The land of our dreams

The land of our dreams

‘We’re almost at the land of our dreams – I can smell the raw sewage.’

What do we want?

What do we want?

‘It’s like being in government but with more to do.’

It’s like being in government but with more to do

‘It’s like being in government but with more to do.’

It’s like being in government but with more to do

Don’t worry I’m still in charge

Don’t worry I’m still in charge

‘That’s global warming for you.’

That’s global warming for you

‘That’s global warming for you.’

That’s global warming for you

‘I’m a championship-winning footballer trapped in a man’s body.’

I’m a championship-winning footballer

‘I’m a championship-winning footballer trapped in a man’s body.’

I’m a championship-winning footballer

If they shouldn’t be here

‘If they shouldn’t be here, we should send them to Rwanda.’

If they shouldn’t be here

‘If they shouldn’t be here, we should send them to Rwanda.’

‘The booster seat’s for Lord Wilf.’

The booster seat

‘The booster seat’s for Lord Wilf.’

The booster seat

‘Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, how does your garden grow?’

How does your garden grow?

‘Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, how does your garden grow?’

How does your garden grow?

‘I expect Lulu Lytle will be overly decorated.’

Lulu Lytle

‘I expect Lulu Lytle will be overly decorated.’

Lulu Lytle

Our leader’s decided to cling on

‘Our leader’s decided to cling on.’

Our leader’s decided to cling on

‘Our leader’s decided to cling on.’

‘Never mix grain and grope.’

Never mix grain and grope

‘Never mix grain and grope.’

Never mix grain and grope

‘When you promised me a treehouse I knew it would never happen.’

When you promised me a treehouse I knew it would never happen

‘When you promised me a treehouse I knew it would never happen.’

When you promised me a treehouse I knew it would never happen

‘I expect you think I’m bonkers for taking money from Qatar.’

Taking money from Qatar

Taking money from Qatar

‘I expect you think I’m bonkers for taking money from Qatar.’

‘I always said Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall made an unlikely couple.’

An unlikely couple

An unlikely couple

‘I always said Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall made an unlikely couple.’

‘If you wish to swim competitively it’ll have to be in a separate category.’

Swim competitively

‘If you wish to swim competitively it’ll have to be in a separate category.’

Swim competitively