Newman | The Spectator columnists & writers

‘Perhaps it’s time for a referendum on lobbying?’

Referendum on lobbying

‘Perhaps it’s time for a referendum on lobbying?’

Referendum on lobbying

‘No entry without Covid certification.’

No entry

‘No entry without Covid certification.’

No entry

‘Blood-coloured carpets would be practical.’

Blood-coloured carpets

‘Blood-coloured carpets would be practical.’

Blood-coloured carpets

Dr. Seuss is too offensive

‘Dr Seuss is too offensive — so I’ll read you the Chips Channon diaries.’

Dr. Seuss is too offensive

‘Dr Seuss is too offensive — so I’ll read you the Chips Channon diaries.’

‘It’s about data, not dates.’

Data, not dates

‘It’s about data, not dates.’

Data, not dates

‘Light, dark or furlough?’

Light, dark or furlough?

‘Light, dark or furlough?’

Light, dark or furlough?

‘Willpower isn’t the problem — it’s won’t-power.’

Won’t power

‘Willpower isn’t the problem — it’s won’t-power.’

Won’t power

‘He’s eaten the “Nil by mouth” sign.’

Nil by mouth

‘He’s eaten the “Nil by mouth” sign.’

Nil by mouth

‘Are fortune cookies meant to be threatening and intimidatory?’

Threatening and intimidatory

‘Are fortune cookies meant to be threatening and intimidatory?’

Threatening and intimidatory

‘It could be dangerous – it’s Red Leicester.’

It could be dangerous

‘It could be dangerous – it’s Red Leicester.’

It could be dangerous

Amber and Johnny

Amber and Johnny

‘If I put you on a pedestal, can I be sure you have no links to slavery?’

If I put you on a pedestal

‘If I put you on a pedestal, can I be sure you have no links to slavery?’

If I put you on a pedestal

‘Help me out here — there’s a shortage of fruit pickers.’

Shortage of fruit pickers

‘Help me out here — there’s a shortage of fruit pickers.’

Shortage of fruit pickers

‘I didn’t expect Dominic Cummings to survive the day.’

I didn’t expect Dominic Cummings to survive the day

‘I didn’t expect Dominic Cummings to survive the day.’

I didn’t expect Dominic Cummings to survive the day

‘I have a fear of landing.’

A fear of landing

‘I have a fear of landing.’

A fear of landing

Testing targets

Testing targets

‘At least things are getting back to normal — the builders haven’t turned up!’

Getting back to normal

‘At least things are getting back to normal — the builders haven’t turned up!’

Getting back to normal

Lockdown quiz

‘Not another bloody lockdown quiz!?!’

Lockdown quiz

‘Not another bloody lockdown quiz!?!’

‘It’s the lockdown look.’

The lockdown look

‘It’s the lockdown look.’

The lockdown look

‘I fear our pay could be reduced from obscene to disgusting.’

Footballers’ pay reduced

‘I fear our pay could be reduced from obscene to disgusting.’

Footballers’ pay reduced

‘Lunge… stretch… press…’

Lunge stretch press

‘Lunge… stretch… press…’

Lunge stretch press

‘Which service do you require — underfunded, understaffed or overstretched?’

Which service do you require?

‘Which service do you require — underfunded, understaffed or overstretched?’

Which service do you require?

‘I’m self-oscillating.’

Panic or stay calm?

‘I’m self-oscillating.’

Panic or stay calm?

On second thoughts

‘On second thoughts, Geppetto, I’m better off as a puppet.’

On second thoughts

‘On second thoughts, Geppetto, I’m better off as a puppet.’

‘We’re here about the superforecaster job.’

The superforecaster job

‘We’re here about the superforecaster job.’

The superforecaster job

‘Poor Rishi Sunak — he has four houses to worry about.’

Poor Rishi Sunak

‘Poor Rishi Sunak — he has four houses to worry about.’

Poor Rishi Sunak

Comes with strings attached

‘The job does come with strings attached.’

Comes with strings attached

‘The job does come with strings attached.’

‘Oh no, while he’s inside he’s become radicalised.’

He’s become radicalised

‘Oh no, while he’s inside he’s become radicalised.’

He’s become radicalised

‘Smart motorways are far too dangerous — stick to A roads.’

Smart Motorways

‘Smart motorways are far too dangerous — stick to A roads.’

Smart Motorways