Jeremy Clarkson should be the next host of University Challenge

The bad news of the week is that Jeremy Paxman is retiring from University Challenge. The worse is that most of those lined up to succeed him are nothing like as good. University Challenge is a quiz show that JP has very much made his own: the curled lip, the incredulity at culpable ignorance, the reluctant admiration when a team really does know its stuff... it’s all part of the Paxman persona. At least on air it is: I do know one acquaintance of his who declares that for Jeremy Paxman to sparkle in private life, he really needs a camera permanently trained on him, to give the illusion that he’s actually on air.

Some of the contenders who are in the running – or at least being talked about – to be his successors are fine. Some make the heart sink. Few have that combination of authority, apparent knowledge, disdain and occasional kindness which makes the show so very viewable.

Sandi Toksvig has the requisite rudeness and was the second last presenter of The News Quiz who was actually funny, but do we really want someone who's going to promote their socio-political agenda at every turn? I’d say not. Kirsty Wark was a class act on Desert Island Discs, incomparably better than the present incumbent, but might not convey the impression that she would, if asked, know the answers. Clive Myrie, hmm, doing a good job on Mastermind, but would he strike fear into the young folks, the way Paxo does?

As for Fiona Bruce, Mishal Husain, Victoria Derbyshire and Amol Rajan, they're experienced broadcasters, Mishal Husain has perfect diction, and Amol Rajan is a fun person, but UC requires a bit of authority, no? And one or two of the above – okay, Fiona and Victoria – would be just dull. (And before you say it, I couldn't do it either.) As for Dara Ó Briain and professor Brian Cox: no, just no. The self-conscious celebrity of the prof would be unbearable.

So who is there out there? Personally, I'd quite like an actual academic, a waspish one, but is David Starkey still in the outer darkness for mis-speaking? He’d be rather fabulous. Alternatively, Rob (Judge) Rinder (whom I know) would be good fun and could do the incredulous raised eyebrow thing. Gyles Brandreth could do the whole deal, and is genuinely funny and knowledgeable. Michael Berkeley, the composer, is less known and may be just too gentle, yet he does a brilliant job on Private Passions on Radio 3. But you know what? Jeremy Clarkson was terrific on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, he could be as rude as Paxman and would be a draw in his own right. He’d be my favourite, if the role is too infra dig for Boris. But obviously, he won't get it.