Simon de Burton
Since when did running become so exclusive?
Many of us have reached the conclusion of late that the world has gone mad, so it will come as no surprise to learn that it's now possible to sign-up for a run with an entry fee that's proudly claimed to be 'the second highest in the world'.
Running has moved on a bit since Oxford medical student Roger Bannister became the first to crack the four-minute-mile at the Iffley Road track in May 1954 without the aid of a FitBit, running App, a single bit of Lycra or even ergonomically-designed shoes that make Jimmy Choos seem like a bargain (although Bannister's brittle leather GT Law and Son running spikes did fetch £266,500 at Christie's back in 2015).
As a result, you can enhance your £220 Saucony 'carbon plated' trainers with a pair of £249 Nurvv Run 'foot-based wearables,' which are high-tech insoles fitted with 32 sensors and two GPS tracker units that send 'detailed data on your footstrike pattern, pronation and balance' to a mobile app that uses 'biomechanics' to analyse the wearer's performance and 'reduce injury risk'.
Those entering the London Marathon on 3 October, meanwhile, can book a £630 per night package at the recently opened Pan Pacific hotel which promises 'the ultimate post-race recovery programme' featuring 'an advanced and luxurious sleep system with 'weighted blanket' and 'access to compression leg recovery boots'.
It's the Highland Kings Ultra, however, that really takes the energy biscuit. Organised by (yet another) former Special Forces member, Matt Smith, the 120-mile run is set to take place on Scotland's west coast between April 25 and 29.
The promotional blurb also mentions the presence of 'Michelin star chefs' [sic] - although it's difficult to imagine anyone wanting to tuck-in to cold roast ox liver followed by courgettes, butter beans and goat's curd before a main course of glazed shoulder of lamb, spiced aubergine, pink firs and roast red onions after a brutal day spent pounding through the tussocks.
The build-up to the event is due to start in October, as the entry fee includes seven months of mentoring and bespoke coaching by champion endurance athletes, among them Jon Albon who recently won the 55km Orsieres-Champex-Chamonix race that's part of the annual Ultra-trail du Mont Blanc.
Incidentally, if you were wondering which run tops the Highland Kings Ultra in terms of exorbitant entry fee, it's the Euros 42,000 World Marathon Challenge. The 2022 edition starts on 3 February from Cape Town, South Africa and ends nine days and seven full marathons later in Miami. Runners will be jetted between race venues in locations that include Antarctica, Perth and Dubai and be offered 'shower facilities at each location' - but organising the return trip home from Miami is down to each individual.
What seems most bizarre, however, is the fact that one of the most eco-friendly activities imaginable has been hi-jacked by the luxury pirates and turned into another opportunity to pound the planet (in a bad way). As long as people feel the need to spend thousands on jet travel in order to say they've run a marathon on every continent, what hope is there?