The SNP’s howls of outrage at PMQs

Indyref dominated today’s PMQs. The Supreme Court has ruled out Nicola Sturgeon’s plan for a wildcat referendum, she must now proceed with Westminster’s blessing. Howls of outrage were heard from the SNP. Eight of its members stood up to complain that they felt trapped in the union against their will. 

Rarely have the Scots Nats made such a splash at PMQs and their exposure today did them no favours. When a party surges in popularity, the quality of its MPs declines and it’s clear that many safe Scottish seats have fallen into the hands of incompetent duffers. Few SNP members in Westminster can craft a memorable phrase. Some struggle to ask a brief question without notes. Many are lifelong gym-dodgers. And their personal stylings are eccentric. The most eye-catching member, Chris Law, wears a ponytail and a brown tweed suit so he looks like a classics master who works in the entertainment industry after school. 

Their leader, Ian Blackford, is a notorious windbag who warned the PM that ‘democracy is now at stake’. He said the notion of the UK as ‘a voluntary union of nations is now dead and buried’. This fatalism helps to explain why the SNP seems so charmless and unlovable to neutral observers. Voters prefer a positive message. And the party suffers from a collective persecution complex. Allan Dorans pleaded with the PM not to ‘keep us shackled and imprisoned in this involuntary union’. Amy Callaghan received some mild Tory heckling and reacted as if she were being shoved into a well. ‘Don’t shout me down. Don’t shout me down!’ she cried.

Politically, their argument is difficult to answer. Rishi ‘no-mandate’ Sunak is denying Scotland a plebiscite despite the SNP’s recent string of election victories. The PM came to the chamber well-prepared and used his adroit memory and his facility with statistics to see off his foes. He reminded each SNP member of the funding lavished on their constituency by Westminster’s never-ending bounty. 

Rishi is emerging as a class act. He dealt ably with a full-frontal assault from Keir Starmer, who was also on good form today. Starmer demanded to know why the UK sits at the bottom of the OECD league table. Sunak countered that since 2010 ‘the UK has experienced the third highest growth in the G7’ and has ‘unemployment at a multi-decade low’. Starmer fired back with an OECD prediction that the UK would enter a recession sooner than its rivals and would come out of it later. ‘First in, last out?’ he queried. 

Sunak thanked him for citing the report and quoted another of its findings that blamed our economic woes on international conditions and praised the Tories’ fiscal plans. ‘He would have known all of that it he’d read the whole of the report,’ smiled Sunak. ‘But he’s not interested in substance. He’s an opportunist.’ He then launched into a savage attack on the opposition leader – but was stopped by the chair, in mid-flow. 

‘Prime Minister, when I stand, you’ve got to sit down,’ chided Sir Lindsay Hoyle. He then revealed the details of a private conversation between himself and the PM. He said that Sunak had promised to answer succinctly at PMQs. ‘Give short answers, please,’ he huffed. ‘Stick to what you said.’ Why was Hoyle picking on the PM like this? Bad blood between these two, clearly. 

The session ended with two voices in favour of the Union. Theresa May begged the SNP to ‘end their obsession with breaking us apart’. And Angus MacNeil praised Westminster’s generosity towards far-flung regions. He said that fuel poverty in his area, the Outer Hebrides, was worse than in Northern Ireland where people benefited from an emergency funding package. He asked for an extra £200 from central government for his constituents.

So there it is. The SNP doesn’t care about the union or independence. They just want the loot.