In Competition No. 2481 you were invited to supply a poem or a piece of prose ending with Gore Vidal’s nasty gnome, ‘It’s not enough to succeed. Others must fail.’ I’m not an especially nice person, but I’ve never experienced the pleasant frisson of schadenfreude; in fact, Rochefoucauld’s remark to the effect that there is something not unpleasing in the misfortunes of our friends strikes me as a bum maxim. This week, verse outshone prose so brightly that the prose writers, led by Frank Mc Donald, are not among the prizewinners. These are rewarded with £25 each, while the bonus fiver goes to the loony Hugh King.
I’ve conclusively proved that pigs fly,
The Earth is quite flat,Stars are just holes in the sky,And Einstein’s a prat.My unique understanding of scienceMade my jealous and vainCompetitors form an allianceTo declare me insane.This asylum seems perfect to me.The staff, although kind,Are, to truths which I readily see,Entirely blind.So I smile as I faultlessly readWhile they fumble with Braille.It’s not enough to succeed.Others must fail.Hugh King
The self-made man who buys his first Rolls-Royce
And contemplates the joy he will deriveCan hardly be expected to rejoiceTo see another on his neighbour’s drive.And if a costly watch adorns his wrist,A just reward for his tenacious climb,Its efficacy surely should consistOf more than just a means to tell the time.The value of these objects is abstruse,For time and transport are not what they grant;They may be neither ornament nor useBut he can have them and we scrubbers can’t.This is the credo of the alpha male:It’s not enough to succeed. Others must fail.Noel Petty
With the fear that time’s jaws
Would do for his booksWhat the gouge of its clawsHad done to his looks,He needed something he wroteTo appeal to the crowdAs a gnome they could quoteAnd not feel high-browed.So he worked on a mot To win him some fameAs an ordinary JoeNot a Henry James name.These are words we still read,Though now they seem stale:It’s not enough to succeed.Others must fail.’W.J. Webster
When it comes to GCSE
It must have occurred to youHow sensible it would beTo let everyone through.Even the slowest classesIn the very dimmest of schoolsThink less than maximum passesMake them look fools.All must have what they ask,Our age’s maxims run,However badly the taskThey are given is done.Just one exception they needFor their maxims to prevail:It’s not enough to succeed.Others must fail.Paul Griffin
I have not often watched a football game,
But once I bought the ticket. Out they came,Eager for victory, all such nice guys.But nice guys finish last. It’s no surprise:We have wired into us, somehow, I guess,An all-American dream of success —A cast of mind that duly replicatesThat huge success of these United States.And I who always nursed within my breastPity for losers, for the second best,I know that victory incurs a cost:The battle isn’t won until it’s lost.We need the vanquished, even as we prevail:It’s not enough to succeed. Others must fail.Martin Woodhead
I recall being led, with a group of lads aged six,
From Sunshine Corner home, each Monday night,By a saintly soul with a heart of gold, Miss Hicks,Who adored my childlike charm, to my delight.Mine, I knew, was the smile she loved the bestAs she dished out sweets and assured us, as a treat,That the one who made his sweet outlast the restWould get as his due reward the ‘bonus’ sweet.My friends, conforming, ate their sweets, poor fools,I took mine out, until they’d finished theirs,Then popped it back and learned, by bending rules,The prize is justly won by he who dares.Thanks to my devious use of a cunning ruse(Though some might say it’s a sad and sorry tale),I enjoyed the thrill of watching others lose:It’s not enough to succeed. Others must fail.Alan Millard
No. 2484: Our vegetable loves
I am in hospital — it’s either nil by mouth or vegetable mush — so you are invited to raise my spirits by providing the first 16 lines of an ‘Ode to Vegetables’. Entries to Competition No. 2484 by 1 March.