I’m in trouble with the police

There is almost nothing I like more than a running battle. As my friend Julie Burchill also says, when a really good row comes along it gives you this warm, cosy feeling inside.

So it was not with disappointment that I received a noteworthy response to my column of last week. For those who were sleeping on the job (or only read Rod’s column), I made some pertinent comments about community relations in the Leicestershire area. Community relations, you may recall, have essentially broken down, with Hindu and Muslim gangs facing off in the city and some of the surrounding area.

In passing I noted the number of female police officers stuck between the two phalanxes and said that I wasn’t sure if there were any trans police in the thin yellow line, or for that matter any gay cops busily dancing the macarena. For the police have spent recent decades assuring us that diversity is their strength.

Anyhow, this brought forth a peculiarly abusive reply – and not from the usual purple ink or jihadi brigade. Here it is: ‘If Mr Murray were to rise from his comfortable chair and toddle up to the West Midlands he would find plenty of women and LGBT officers more than capable of putting him on his backside if he came at them waving his sharp fountain pen.’

I think you will agree that this is intemperate language of the kind you can hear in the lower pubs. But the author of this letter is not some blowhard at chucking-out time. It is none other than Sir David Thompson, the chief constable of West Midlands Police, who was so proud of the missive that he posted it on Twitter.

Sir David goes on to impress upon me and my editor that his police force carries out such violence ‘very well with the thugs they confront keeping the King’s peace’. I am pleased that the chief constable of West Midlands Police has finally called the gangs on the Leicester streets ‘thugs’, but aside from this his letter does not impress me.

Nevertheless, it went down quite well among some other members of the police. They congratulated him for standing up for his men, women and LGBTQ+ officers. Among those to praise his ‘brilliant’ letter was Louisa Rolfe, assistant commissioner at the Metropolitan Police. She added to Sir David’s ‘offer’ and boasted: ‘We have room in a carrier for you’ – that is, me. She also claimed that it was especially galling to read my words after various men and women had been injured keeping the peace among other warring tribes in multi-ethnic Britain. At this point there had also been fights on the streets of London between police officers and various Iranian groups.

Naturally there are a number of things to say about this. First is that it is a demonstration of a modern British delusion – which is that it is much easier to criticise anyone identifying a problem than it is to deal with the problem. If the chief constable of West Midlands Police was as threatening towards various Islamists as he is to me then I suspect he wouldn’t have all of the issues he does in his area. But then, he leads a force which 15 years ago had a memorable reaction to a Channel 4 film exposing jihadist speakers in its area. How did the West Midlands Police respond? By arresting the jihadists and prosecuting them for incitement? Why no, West Midlands Police responded by going after Channel 4 for having the temerity to bring these incendiary preachers’ remarks to public attention. Quite a set of priorities that force has.

But let me return to the substance of Sir David’s complaint. It seems to be twofold. First is that I somehow demeaned the abilities of female officers in his force. So let me expand the offence. It is to be noted that exclusively young men from the Hindu and Muslim communities in Leicester went out to tackle the other side on the city’s streets. There were no young women – and there is something telling in that. If there is fighting to be done, almost every society on Earth recognises that it is men who are going to have to do it. I am all for diversity in certain fields. But it would seem to me that if two gangs – some of whom are armed – fight each other on the streets, then the local police might decide to go easy on female representation that day and a bit heavier on the heavies.

This brings me to the trans, female and gay cops that Sir David is so keen to threaten me with. I cannot promise that he is wrong. It is perfectly possible that West Midlands Police is packed with gay and trans police who could indeed ‘put me on my backside’ for having the temerity to wield my pen. I suppose if we must we can take it outside. West Midlands Police can put up its biggest trans officer and he/she/they can come at me with everything they’ve got. If we each get to choose a second then I will nominate Taki as mine.

The larger point is that police forces in this country have made themselves a laughing stock in recent years. They took the knee to Black Lives Matter protestors. They skateboarded and danced with Extinction Rebellion demonstrators while they locked down our roads and cities. For years they have been dousing themselves in the ‘Pride’ colours and have frankly gone so far down the rainbow rabbit hole that they have started to make me feel a bit homophobic.

We have seen videos of officers dancing along at Pride parades (and doing the macarena). We have had male officers posing in high-heeled shoes to show their diversity. We have had all of this and an awful lot more. In short, the police have made themselves ridiculous. And if you make yourself ridiculous then you should expect to be ridiculed.

Of course the police are free to threaten writers for wielding our pens. But if I were them I would refrain from doing so and reflect instead on whether they have really got the fighting force they need for the country they have done so much to create.